Never leave me
by pamy
Summary: Somewhere far away there's a woman packing her bags while a small child sits in the corner and watches. She does not leave, she knows even before she finishes. Because before she can the child will look at her with big innocent eyes, begging her to stay.


Based on a prompt given by Hyperemmalawlz which was Veronica & Lianne; stay.

Don't own anything of course.

* * *

_Somewhere far away (and long ago) there's a woman packing her bags while a small child sits in the corner and watches. She does not leave, she'll never leave, she knows even before she finishes. She knows it because before she'll get a chance to leave, the child will look at her with big innocent eyes, begging her to stay. _

_And she always stays. _

* * *

The first time the thought of leaving comes up is on a cold Tuesday.

She stares out of the window and she knows she has to go, she has to get out of what her live has become. She has to because she knows it's all a lie, From the moment she met Jake, so many years ago, she already knew she would never be able to love someone else the way she loved him. She would never be able to be happy without him, never be able to live on without him. She knows that her entire live is a lie, from the moment she promised Keith that she would love him forever, she should have known it would end this way. She has never loved him, she's pretty sure she never will, and she knows that is awful.

Keith deserves so much more, so much better than her.

He's a good man, a better man then anyone else she has ever met, and if he knows she has been cheating on him, he never breathes a word. She knows, if there is one thing she knows about him, that he would let her go if she would really want him to. He'll let her go (if she leaves he'll never follow) because he loves her (though she cannot fathom why) and he wants her to be happy. She knows, perhaps she always has, that he's a better person (man) than either she or Jake will ever be. She wants to tell herself, tell the world, that she is leaving him because of that. Because he deserves someone that loves him, someone that doesn't spend her time wishing he were someone else.

The truth however is much more simple, more selfish, she doesn't really care about Keith.

She just wants Jake.

* * *

Life is full of surprises, it can change at any moment, and now she can't leave.

Suddenly it's not just about her anymore, nor is it really about Keith or Jake anymore; suddenly it's about her and _her baby. _She wishes that she could be sure, that she hadn't spend her time playing this dangerous game, that she could look them in the eye and tell them something she knew for sure. She wishes she could tell Keith that the baby isn't this and then leave him, but she can't because she doesn't know, she doesn't know if _the baby isn't him?_ She could try to find out of course, but if she tells the truth now and the baby is Keith's everything will be worse. So she doesn't tell him, doesn't tell the truth; she adds another lie to the millions she has already told.

She lies to Jake as well, assures him that the baby couldn't possibly be his.

She doesn't want him to tell Keith, doesn't want him to destroy that honest man, doesn't want him to kill the good in him. He had been so happy when she told him she was pregnant, that even if she had been sure the baby wasn't his, she wouldn't have been able to tell him. She wouldn't have been able to wipe that smile of his face, so she lies to him, to everything and everybody actually. A part of her (though she denies that part even exists) blames the baby, blames the unborn child for things it could not possibly control. She blames it because if it weren't for the baby, she would be out of here, free of the man she had never loved and on her way to the man she did, if there was no baby she would be happy.

She knows that she's a horrible person, but she can't really change how she feels.

That's how simple it is.

* * *

She spends the next couple of months wishing.

Wishing, praying, that once the baby is born she'll know it belong to Jake, that will be her ticket out (out of the live she has never wanted). She wants the baby to be Jake's because then it won't be so bad she had a baby, it won't forever bind her to a man she already knows she'll never love. She hasn't actually seen Jake, not since she got pregnant; they both decided that it would not be worth the risk, that the baby should be healthy. What he doesn't tell her, but what Lianne does know, is that Jake is angry. Angry because she is having a baby with Keith and therefore she had lied to Jake (they both know he's being hypocritical seeing that Celeste has already given him a daughter and now she's pregnant again).

The baby, her daughter, is born on a Tuesday.

She watches as the little girl is placed in her father's arms, and she swears no matter how long she lives she'll never be able to forget the look on Keith's face. She suddenly realizes that she had been wrong in wishing the baby to be Jake's, she should have been wishing the baby to be Keith's. Because he loves that little girl, she can see it in his eyes, and she could not bear to take that away from him as well. She looks at them and promises herself that she will never let anyone find out the truth, no matter what. Veronica will be Keith's daughter (whether she is or not) because _Keith just loves her so damn much. _

He can never find out the truth, though it will kill her to lie, no matter what happens in the future.

* * *

She only lasts for two months, far longer than she thought she would.

If she felt trapped before Veronica arrived, now the feeling has only intensified. Keith can go to work during the day, he can escape the crying (and everything else that goes with it), though she suspects that he wouldn't really mind staying home with Veronica. She hangs on for two months, before she realizes she simply can't do it, that she's had enough. If she were a stronger person, if she were a better person, she would never even consider leaving her daughter behind. It wouldn't even occur to her, but she is who she is; and though it pains her to admit it sometimes the baby (her daughter, her _child)_ is nothing more than a burden, something that stands in the way of her happiness.

She knows she has to leave, now that she still can, for the sake of the baby.

The resentment towards the little girl only grows, and she knows that no child deserves a mother that can't love her because of something that wasn't even her fault. It's wrong and twisted, to blame a little girl for her own mistakes, but she does. Better to get out now, she thinks, now that Veronica is still so young; than to wait until she is older, than to wait until she actually hurts her. She decides she's leaving the next morning, she'll find out how to contact Jake after she leaves, but that night as she holds the crying baby in her arms, she suddenly understands that she can't leave. Because not matter how much he would want to, Keith can't actually stay home with Veronica, and she doesn't want the little girl in the hands of a person that could potentially harm her.

Veronica cries and Lianne swears it's her way of begging her mom to stay.

* * *

She thinks Keith might actually know about Jake.

She doesn't know where he got the idea from, but then again it was bound to come out at some point. She thinks he might now, but he never actually says a word, she doesn't really know for sure. She wishes she had the courage to look him in the eye and tell him the truth, tell him it might be better if she leaves, but she doesn't. She doesn't because Keith is a good man ( a better man than Jake will ever be) and she doesn't want to hurt him, she denies the fact that she already is hurting him by what she is doing, him and two year old Veronica.

One night she and Jake decide it might be better if they come clean.

That night she thinks of a dozen ways she can tell Keith the truth, the truth about her feelings for Jake (not about Veronica's parentage, never about that, he can never know) and none of them actually sound right. She's aware that no matter how she spins it she would end up hurting him, end up making him hate her. And though she does not love him, she doesn't want him to hater her either, she can't actually explain why. She doesn't tell him anything in the end, because Veronica decides to get sick that night. Keith is frantic and worried and Veronica is crying, and Lianne can't bring herself to tell him, to leave them.

Jake doesn't tell Celeste either, she never really expected him to.

* * *

When her first day of school is over Veronica arrives back home with a new friend.

Lianne swears that for a single second her heart (almost) stops beating, because she suddenly sees her two worlds becoming one. The little girl, almost a year older than Veronica, seems really nice. And as she watches them together she realizes that they have become good friends in just one short day (children always manage that), but she doesn't want them to be. Because she's _Lilly Kane_ and somehow she'll bring Jake into their house and this can only end in tears (she knows it even before it begins, but she can't stop it, she's powerless). She doesn't say anything, there's really nothing to say, and simply waits for someone to pick her up.

Jake looks almost as uncomfortable as she feels, especially around Keith.

Still Lianne can do nothing but watch as their daughters become best friends (and his son quickly joins them), and her husband and her loves become friends (which is just creepy). She wonders right there and then why she stayed so long, she should have left a long time ago and cut her losses. Because not the situation has become much worse, and it's not about them anymore, now it's about their children. Lianne thinks she should leave now, before the ticking time bomb explodes, and get far away but it's to late. She packs her bags the next day, while Keith is at work, hoping she can leave before he gets home.

She doesn't leave, because Veronica is sitting there watching her, and before she can even take one step towards the door, Veronica looks at her with big innocent eyes. Pleading softly _'Please Mommy stay, don't go.'_

So she unpacks her bags and decides to make dinner instead.

* * *

She's pretty sure a part of her (a small part) resents Veronica.

If it had not been for her, Lianne would have been out of here a long time ago, she would have been free and happy. She knows it's wrong, Veronica is the biggest victim in all of this, it's not her fault. But those are her feelings and she can't change them, can't stop feeling them; they only become worse. They grow as she watches Veronica and Lilly together, as she sees they are happy (as Lianne once was, just as Lianne will never be again). She almost wishes for something bad to happen to her daughter, just so she can feel a little pain as well. She hates herself for even _thinking _about feeling those things about her only daughter.

Sometimes she thinks about telling Veronica that Keith might not be her father.

Just so she can watch her prefect little world crumble down, just to see the look of hurt on her face. Lianne knows that she is going to hell for feeling those things (even if only for a second), she knows now that she should have left a long time ago, back when Veronica was still a baby. Back then, before the time she actually had the power to hurt her little girl, now she fears it might be too late. If she stays she'll end up hurting her more than she can imagine, if she leaves she'll do the same. So she stays, against her better judgment, but the feelings don't leave they stay with her (of course they do). She moves towards the next best thing she can think of, she begins to drink more than she probably ever should. She doesn't actually leave, but it ends in the same way.

Every time she wakes up after drinking too much, and sees that her little girl has taken care of her she feels worse than before.

Because she knows that with those actions she is begging her to stay, begging her to stop drinking.

She doesn't listen.

* * *

Then comes the day she swears the earth stops turning.

The day her daughter looks at her, telling her about her new boyfriend (with all the innocence she possesses) as if it doesn't mean anything. Lianne wouldn't really have cared about him, except that a part of her (the part that loves her daughter like she should) tells her that she should ask. The name that comes out of Veronica's mouth causes her to freeze and for a second she swears her heart might actually stop beating. _Duncan Kane. _Suddenly the lie she had told Keith so many years ago doesn't seem like a good idea anymore, she should have made sure. Because what is about to happen to her daughter, is far worse than anything she has ever felt. The idea of her daughter in love with a Kane (like mother like daughter) is wrong and twisted.

Because if Jake is the father, which is a high probability, then they are siblings.

She thinks about telling Jake the truth, finding a way to separate them (without telling them why). Then she thinks she should just wait to see what happens, Logan and Lilly seem to be breaking up every week or so, maybe that will happen to Veronica as well. But she watches as the opposite happens, as they fall in love (it reminds her of the feelings she had for Jake as a teenager) and by the time she realizes she should have stepped in a long time ago, it is too late. This is her punishment for everything she has done, destroying her daughter even more; she deserves it, though what Veronica has done to deserve it is beyond her.

She tells Jake after the limousine party, she tells him though she prays she could run away.

* * *

Veronica shatters, so does Duncan, and she hates herself.

Hates herself for not trying to find out the truth so many years ago, when none of this had happened. Now it's too late, now no matter what the truth is, the damage has already been done. Celeste knows, but Keith doesn't; and though she knows she should tell him, she cannot do it. She begs, she prays, yet again (she should have learned a long time ago that this will not help her) for something to come along, something that will make her daughter forget his pain.

The next thing she knows Lilly has been murdered, and everything goes to hell.

She'll spend the rest of her time blaming herself, wondering if somehow this is her fault as well. She thinks about running, she really does, but her daughter is so broken and for the first time since she was a baby, _her daughter needs her. _But then Keith turns around and blames Jake (and Jake doesn't tell him the truth either, doesn't say because Keith is his friend and he too can't bear to tell him about Veronica, though Lianne thinks he might already know) and Neptune explodes. She watches as everything goes to hell, and instead of saying something to defend Jake, making Keith turn somewhere else Lianne grabs a bottle and begins to drink again.

The worse is when she wakes up and she realizes that Veronica didn't help her.

Nobody is begging her to stay.

* * *

When the truth is finally revealed she backs her bags and leaves.

She leaves because she can't stay, because she can't bear for Veronica to find out. Can't look her in the eyes, and tell her the whole truth, wants to keep it buried at least for her. She knows it's wrong to leave Keith to deal with it all, none of it was really his fault, but she does. She leaves the little girl she always should have loved behind, and realizes that she is still thinking of going to the man she loves. She doesn't want the truth to come out, doesn't want her daughter to realize that her mother loved Jake more than she ever loved her. She wishes she could say she left because of the pictures, but even that is not the complete truth. While the pictures scared her for a couple of minutes, she soon realized who must have send them.

She knows Celeste would never actually hurt Veronica, despite all that has happened.

She still leaves, knowing she should have done it years ago, she leaves when Veronica is still asleep. She knows she can't wait until she wakes up to say goodbye, knows it because she has already tried that. Veronica will look at her and beg her to stay (even if she does not say so out loud). Veronica will look at her and beg her to stay, and Lianne will always stay, because she has to. She leaves a music box behind and a promise (one that she doesn't know if she'll ever fulfill) and then she simply walks away. Keith says he'll wait for her, Lianne tells him he shouldn't (she knows he probably will).

Because both deserve more than she has ever been able to offer.

* * *

When Veronica finds her she knows she _has _to return.

She has to try at the very least, because Veronica traveled trough the country to find her. So she goes to the rehab clinic her daughter sends her to, but she doesn't stay long. She knows it's wrong, that she should at least stay until the end (because that was her daughter's college money) but she can't. She returns to town, checks in a motel and waits. She calls Jake that first night, before she even thinks about contacting Veronica, and he is so happy she is alright. She has a feeling they'll walk the same path they did before, the outcome can only become better (it can not be worse).

She goes back home, knowing Keith will let her back in, if only for Veronica.

She soon realizes everything has changed. Her daughter has new friends (friends she has never even met) and she is completely different than she was before. Keith has actually found what she wanted for him all along, a woman that loves him, truly loves him. But he still leaves her, he does it for Veronica (he loves her so much) because Veronica wants her mother back. She finds herself hoping again that she is his, because they belong together, father and daughter (nothing can take that away from them, definitely not a blood test). But she knows that she doesn't really belong anymore, that this won't last forever (and maybe she never actually belonged). She turns to drinking again, and destroys what is possibly the last chance her daughter will ever give her.

Veronica looks at her (battered, bruised and burned, and at the same time stronger than Lianne will ever be) and tells her to go.

Lianne leaves, because there's nothing left.

* * *

_Somewhere far away (and long ago) there's a woman packing her bags while a small child sits in the corner and watches. She does not leave, she'll never leave, she knows even before she finishes. She knows it because before she'll get a chance to leave, the child will look at her with big innocent eyes, begging her to stay. _

_And she always stays.

* * *

_

_Now time has passed and things have changed, now it's to late to change the things that have already been done. Now she wants to stay. She wants to be a part of her daughter's life, now that she has done all the damage that she could possibly do, now she wants to take it all back. She should have realized, a long time ago, that there are only so much chances people can give you. And eventually even Veronica and Keith would run out of them. The last time she screws up, the last time she destroys what she has build, Veronica doesn't even really react anymore. _

_There was once a time that Veronica would look at her with big innocent eyes and beg her to stay. Now she looks at her with cold eyes (that mask the pain she is truly feeling) and tells her to leave. Gone is that little innocent (and beautiful) child that used to beg her to stay. _

_Lianne wonders whatever happened to her. _


End file.
